I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize