dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
