I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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