just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
