just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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