kristin has been a bad kristin
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
