I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
