NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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