3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
