Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
