We're facebook friends in real life
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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