i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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