Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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