people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
