My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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