ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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