so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
