Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
