I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My boob is missing a layer of skin
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
