no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
