btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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