Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
