Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
