Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
