Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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