so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
