He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
