Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
