Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
