If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
