I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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