I accidentally had phone sex last night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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