i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
