thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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