too bad you live with your parents still
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
