plz talk dirty to me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
