So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
