Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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