I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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