i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
