RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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