Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
