Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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