i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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