Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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