I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize