Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you had me at cake vodka
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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