Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize