Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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