The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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