She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i think my cat just said my name.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize