I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
