I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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