I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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