i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
