we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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