ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
