Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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