Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
