Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I bet he comes in French.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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