it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
