On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
