I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I want to be your penis for a week.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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