you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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