Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
