How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
