I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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